Part 2: Homework Minus the Hurricane!
- Dr. Cynthia A. Levy
- Jul 24, 2017
- 4 min read
Welcome back!
Though many students are on break for the summer, that means this is the IDEAL time to get a handle on the perpetually daunting homework portion of your child's daily life (and maybe even try out a practice run with your new structure while the stakes aren't as high...). We know homework impacts parents tremendously as well! Below are additional tools based on both clinical experience and Homework Without Tears, Canter and Hausner (1987). Though not the exhaustive list, here you will find our second installment of imperative concepts, techniques, and tools to streamline your upcoming academic year! Tune in for more in future entries of Psychology, Simplified !
Communication
Do it early, do it often! Communication is key in ANY relationship and has the potential to improve any dynamic when carried out well. Make your motto: “When the going gets tough, the tough talk it out!”
Communicate assertively - Be firm-but-loving, leave out the yelling, and no begging or nagging!
Be repetitive if necessary (also known as the "broken record technique")
Don't take the bait and join in a power struggle
Resist the urge to panic and project into the future
Resist the urge to insult
What should you communicate about???
Set expectations and rules for homework in advance! No surprises!
The earlier in the school year, the more perfect the time!
Prepare for: “I don’t want to do my homework,” “It’s too hard,” and so on… And don’t be afraid to validate this! We all have probably felt this way at some time about some task. Just because you hear your child out and make it okay for them to have feelings does not mean it needs to turn into a prolonged negotiation; in fact, along with providing empathy and validation comes a fabulous opportunity to redirect and promote your child to solve the problem by getting their work done.
Action is Stronger than Words … And when it gets really tough, the tough take action!
Out list, though not exhaustive in listing all of our recommendations for successful homework time, should result by this point in you having talked about your homework expectations, set the rules, and now it’s time to follow through!
Phrase it often as a choice, though it is what I refer to often as a pseudo-choice; that is, rather than empty threats, you are setting clear expectations about what you need to see, and what will happen next if your child makes the correct decision (complying and doing hw, which will result in a reward even if the reward is current privileges/freedoms remain in tact), or if they make a poor decision (not completing hw, which will result in appropriate consequences/lack of privileges)
For effective follow-through we need to have three key phases:
Make the empathic/validation/reflective statement
Prompt your child to use the skills (emotional coping and academic achievement skills); set the expectation about what task you are expecting your child to perform; and make yourself clear about what to expect if the they follow through, and what will happen if they do not.
Follow through with the follow-through: for example, in some cases you may give one chance to turn around any behavior that is not in line with what has been requested, and then move swiftly and calmly (but firmly!) into limit-setting.
Working with the Teacher
Cross your fingers you have a great ally (remember, an ally, NOT the sole party responsible for working this through!) in your child’s teacher and Canter and Hausner suggest you contact the teacher if your child:
Has difficulty with or can’t do an assignment
Forgets their assignments at school
Is not finishing homework
Is not doing quality work or showing poor work habits
If "boredom" is a concern
You and your child’s teacher can be a team!
How Can You Get to the Bottom of What is Getting in the Way of Your Child’s Success?
Testing – A thorough battery performed by a neuropsychologist (or in some cases by the school system or a developmental pediatrician). The end result includes thorough diagnostic information, and an incredibly thorough list of recommendations if you link up with the right resource.
Psychotherapy – A trained professional who works individually with your student, and/or with parents, families, or even groups should be able to provide techniques, observations, skills, and an overall treatment plan to address any needs. They are likely to take the approach that there is no such thing as “lazy” but offer insight on the why and how of barriers to academic accountability and success.
Psychologists or therapists can also direct you to other practitioners (Ed. Therapists, Occupational Therapists, Speech and Language Pathologists, [Pediatric] Psychiatrists, or even a really great tutor if the situation is less severe) for further evaluation or intervention to get to the bottom of this.
Keep in mind that we pretty much all desire success… Don’t be thrown by the fact that your child may seemingly care little for this success and seems more preoccupied with driving you crazy because this may in fact be proof that they too are needing to feel successful: there is tremendous power in being able to effectively elicit the reaction from your parent that you (sub-consciously) set out to elicit! By beginning with integrating these essential structures into the homework framework, you are setting yourself up for what may initially be an increase in conflict driven by fear in your child that they can’t deliver on what you are asking of them. Other children may initially exhibit enthusiasm toward the system and at some point push back when they become lukewarm, experiencing at a later time self-doubt and underlying worry. Staying the course will breed far less confusion, fewer opportunities for conflict, and will allow you and your offspring to reach your ultimate goal: Avoiding the Homework Hurricane!!!
Visit this blog for more! Or reach out to Dr. Cynthia A. Levy at dr.cynthialevy@gmail.com, or obtain further contact information at www.beverlyhillspsychologicalcenter.com.
It is important to recognize that this is not a substitute for therapy, nor does this initiate a patient/practitioner relationship in the official sense. This should not be considered medical/clinical/therapeutic advice, but rather should be regarded simply as opinions. Should you need further assistance or intervention, you may reach out to a professional in your area. Please note: in case of a medical emergency dial 911 or go to your local emergency room.
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