Homework Minus the Hopelessness, Heartache, and an Out-and-Out Hurricane! Part 1...
- Dr. Cynthia A. Levy
- Jun 30, 2017
- 4 min read
Included here you will find some tools and techniques to facilitate homework without tears, meltdowns, explosions, and knock-down drag-outs… Oh, and your child will be calmer too.
For whom is this information meant???
Well, for many families the most dreaded times of the day include the morning routine (getting your kids and teens awake and alert, prepared, and out the door), bedtime (moving past resistance, stall tactics, and negotiations), and, above all else, the infamous homework portion of the evening. Parents and students alike may lament this portion of the day, but especially when seemingly the homework burden weighs more heavily on you than your offspring, it is worth exploring the tools available to you in order to navigate this daunting task day after day.
This entry and the specific concepts below are based on both my own clinical experience as well as the book, “Homework Without Tears,” by Lee Canter and Lee Hausner, Ph.D. (an awesome resource that we recommend to have in your go-to homework arsenal!). More specifically, the suggestions outlined in this article will address the common problems, circumstances, or observations below (do we know your child already or what?!) that color homework time each day. Based on observations gathered from the therapeutic space year after year, and also from common homework problems identified with Canter and Hausner (1987), some of the most frequent dilemmas include:
Not doing their best work - work may be incomplete, sloppy, or sped through
Refusal to do homework
Not bringing assignments home from school
Not returning assignments to school or hw not making its’ way out of the backpack
Taking all night to finish HW (not due to volume of hw)
Not taking initiative to complete homework alone
Procrastination
Not doing homework if a parent isn’t home
Continued difficulty with school and homework beyond typical limits
Lack of motivation beyond typical limits
Special needs exacerbate hw dilemmas
While on the surface much of what’s to follow (in this entry, as well as in the homework-related blog entries to follow) may appear to be straightforward, intuitive, and even overly simplistic or idealistic, the fact remains that all too often the average household is not in the habit of establishing these boundaries to set you and your student up for success. Thus ensues chaos….
So… where does one begin???
Creating Consistency
Why is consistency important? When a person knows what to expect, particularly at a young age, it serves the function of decreasing anxiety. Safety is established as predictability emerges, and healthy habits take hold. Over time behavioral concerns and emotional reactivity decrease in the face of consistency.
You try to be consistent but you think it makes your child hate you… I encourage you to not take the bait. Just because they say they don’t like it, need it, or that you are being inflexible does not mean this is the case. When there is no longer a need for co-regulation* with homework then the system will get the appropriate overhaul; until that time, you are calmly setting the expectation that homework will be done in a consistent fashion, and that you will enforce this consistently (while striking the firm-but-loving balance).
Why does this feel so daunting for many parents? You’re human and likely pulled in many directions. Be kind to yourself through the process and know that sometimes you know you are doing it right if you child kicks up the poor behavior before they settle into the routine. In fact, this probably means your kiddo is smart, healthy, and is doing what living things do to develop an understanding of boundaries: pushing back to understand where the boundaries are and seeing if you will stick to them. In order to ensure things don’t STAY worse, it is crucial to be consistent in setting up the system (complete with contingencies – rewards, consequences, and other options referred to in additional blog entries to support the structure of the new system), and then maintenance becomes the focus. Creating consistent schedules, environments, tools, expectations, and contingencies will set you up for success!
To be continued!!! To learn more about "Setting up a Proper Study Space," "Getting Work Done on Time," "Having Your Child Take the Lead on Their Own Assignments,"
and more please see our blog entries to come in which we will dig in further to this topic and others.
* Co-regulation:
Here we are referring to the behavior and intervention of the parent helping to regulate the emotions and behavior of their child to foster greater (emotional) stability.
Visit this blog for more! Or reach out to Dr. Cynthia A. Levy at dr.cynthialevy@gmail.com, or obtain further contact information at www.beverlyhillspsychologicalcenter.com.
It is important to recognize that this is not a substitute for therapy, nor does this initiate a patient/practitioner relationship in the official sense. This should not be considered medical/clinical/therapeutic advice, but rather should be regarded simply as opinions. Should you need further assistance or intervention, you may reach out to a professional in your area. Please note: in case of a medical emergency dial 911 or go to your local emergency room.
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